One year ago, when I became head-over-heels obsessed with running, I had big dreams for myself. I thought I’d have run a marathon by now. I imagined myself decked out in all the flashy running gear – Hoka Hokas on my feet and Gu tubes in hand. I thought my mile would be down to 8:00, 7:30, (dare I say it) sub-7:00?
To no one’s surprise, none of that happened. What is kind of surprising is that today, I ran a 5K in 32:21, 34 seconds slower than my 5K time one year ago, on August 21. And it was a great run. I feel happy. Here’s what’s happened and what’s changed in the past year of my on and (mostly) off running.
I guess I should start with some of my accomplishments. Gas myself up a bit first so you know I Mean Business. Prepare to be amazed.
In the past year, I have…………
- Run a half marathon (!!!) in 2:25:17. (Was originally signed up for the full marathon. Ha. Dropped out of that the week before.)
- Got my sub-30 5K PR, coming in at a blazing 29:29
- Got a Garmin Vivoactive 3! No more running belt to carry my phone!
- Run 7 miles at 5pm in August, the peak of Texas’s summer heat
- Run every day for a week
- Bought ~Brooks running shoes~. They are my babies.
Almost all these accomplishments happened in 2019. As I went back to school and ramped up biking, I stopped running. After my half marathon in February, I hit the pavement a handful of times before I picked it up again now. In August 2020. A little over a year after I started.
Giving up on things is nothing new to me. That’s the only common thread linking the hobbies and obsessions I collect like pennies. Some people hoard objects; I browse and try on hobbies like I’m thrift shopping.
But now is different. I have to believe it’s different. Because I basically have a year of a never-ending summer vacation (à la Phineas and Ferb) before I sell out to corporate America. A year of rent-free lounging around at my parents’. A year of no expectations. A year of figuring out how I can, you know, Change My Life. Yeah. That towering, glittering message that every opportunity tries to sell you. Change your life. Who doesn’t want to do that?
I guess changing your life starts with habits. Forming new habits that you can sustain. Falling in love with new habits that can replace the bad ones. And I’ve picked up a lot of things during this whole changing-your-life journey. Stationary biking. (Spoiler: Have not gotten on the bike since Texas 4000 has ended. No one is surprised). Embroidery. Veganism. Trying to get my splits. Long walks. Waking up early. True crime podcasts. And now: running. Again.
I didn’t go into this summer thinking I would start running again. My sad lack of running throughout 2020 felt embarrassing. Whenever people would ask me for running advice, I would feel confused, before realizing, “Oh yeah. That’s something I used to do a lot.” I tried a few shorter runs in March and April, but a) biking 100+ miles a week can really kill your drive to do any additional exercise, and b) a college course load and a college social life will kill all your free time. So running kind of faded into a distant background dream. Something that was pushed to the dusty corner of my mind, like my embarrassing high school debate trophies.
My body was perfectly happy to forget about the pain of beating the shit out of my knees on pavement. And although my mind still fantasized about completing an ultra one day, I was pretty resigned to never working towards that goal. See, I don’t like running. So many runners love it – the runner’s high, the freedom, the community. I love laying in bed. I love not moving my body. I am not good at running. It sucks. I have bow legs, and I’m always worried I’m landing weird. It hurts my knees sometimes and it’s hard to breathe. And I’m slow, which is like the Ultimate Shame of any runner.
So here’s how, despite the reasons to suggest otherwise, I started running again. And why it makes me grateful.
All that biking senior year made me more health-conscious than I was before. I realized that I’m pretty good at this whole “suffer through long periods of exercise” king of thing. Then I tried veganism for health and environmental reasons. It was a pretty sad few weeks. But I got into the habits of making my own smoothies (RIP Juiceland) and avocado toast. I began intermittent fasting from 12pm to 8pm in an attempt to lose weight and eat healthier. I decided I wanted to try to get my splits, which lead to me doing 30 minutes of stretches every day. (Yeah, I do stretches on a yoga mat now. I have become what I sought to destroy.) I started drinking 64 oz of water each day, which has really thrown a wrench in my previously-regular bathroom routine. I began going on 3-mile walks in the morning. I realized it was way too hot at 9 am, so I woke up at 8 am. Still too hot. So I began waking up at 7. Ouch.
Phew. I’ve never listed all of that out at once before. Looking at it now, it feels like a lot. Like one of those routines you see on a fitness blog and you’re like… I’m never doing that. But I did. I worked these things into my life over a few months. Back then, I didn’t think much about how they built on each other. But now, it’s pretty clear that all these habits have primed me to be in good shape to start running again.
Last year, I just decided I wanted to start running, so I did it. I pushed myself to run each day when I was really under-prepared. I tried to follow a marathon training plan, even though it wanted me to run 9 miles by the third week. I failed, and I was upset. I had an “all or nothing” mindset, which is something that I apply to everything in my life. It’s kind of a problem.
This time, I’m going slower. I started running last week, because my friend and I watched Glow Up Diaries, and got inspired to better ourselves. She told me she was going to start running. She works a full-time job, while I’m doing zilch. My first reaction: Shit. My second reaction: You really have no excuse not to do this if she’s finding time to before work. We decided to try doing virtual runs together. And what do you know? It’s more motivating to run when you have someone with you.
Currently, I’m alternating one day of running a 5k, and one or two days walking. But I get up every day at 7(-ish) regardless and get out of the house. And that, in itself, is big. I used to be a strictly nighttime runner, because I could not wake up early enough to run. I always wanted to switch to mornings because a) there is nothing I’d like less after a long day than to force my weary body to go on a run, b) I don’t want to get chased and stabbed in the dead of night, and c) I don’t want to get smeared on the pavement by a car. But I could never make the transition. My alarm would go off and I’d immediately snooze it. I finally got my body used to moving at ungodly hours by easing myself into morning walks. Ah, the power of gradual change.
So here’s what I’ve learned. Drinking water is good. Eating healthy is good. Listening to your body is good. Going slow is good. Stretching is very, very good. These are all things I knew before. But it’s hard to begin practicing them. I always have big dreams, and I demand a lot out of myself. I get frustrated and discouraged when I don’t meet my own standards. But sustainable change is always slow. And that’s sort of exciting in its own way, as well.
I don’t run the same route anymore that I did when I posted last year’s running report. It gave me crazy speeds because I would fly down this huge hill at the end, but I figure it can’t be good for my knees in the long run. Instead, I run a modest 1.5 mile loop twice. It has some tough elevation, so I flatter myself by thinking that I’ll much faster on Zilker trails. But I also don’t think about how fast I’ll get my next PR as much as I used to. Instead, I really listen to my breathing. And check my heart rate. And look at the sky, which is so translucent in the mornings that it breaks my heart a little. And I look at each person I see, and I think about how they woke up early, same as me, and came out to enjoy this space that’s untouched by the rest of the day. And I feel grounded. And I feel good.
And then I come back, and I stretch. And I feel myself getting a little more flexible.