a near-unbearably emo composition i wrote in 2020, the night before I turned 22.
21 landed like a dust storm. no
warning, hazy, blew through town. it
left dirt in the cracks between my teeth. i
sneezed for a week.
typing…
a near-unbearably emo composition i wrote in 2020, the night before I turned 22.
21 landed like a dust storm. no
warning, hazy, blew through town. it
left dirt in the cracks between my teeth. i
sneezed for a week.
this past year I have been experimenting with time.
May is
stifling in a different way this year.
I open my blinds and the clouds start falling.
You used to fill up the silence like candies in a jar.
i miss being in love n all that shit! i haven’t felt true desire since 2016…
1. “You wanted love and expected what? A parachute? Morphine? A gold sticker star?” – Dean Young, “Handy Guide”
2. “Rain finally came + it’s beautifully cool. Wonder how long it will last. It was marvelous because it started suddenly and then was alternately terrific and gentle.
I think of you all the time and therefor have little to say that would not embarrass you, for instance my first feeling about the rain was that it was like you.” – John Cage’s letter to Merce Cunningham (June 29, 1943)
3. “I like your energy. I love your legs. I long to see you.” – Virginia Woolf’s letter to Vita Sackville-West
4. “Now, I
demand a love that is stupid and beautiful,
like a pilot turning off her engines mid-flight
to listen for rain on wings.” – Paige Lewis, “Pavlov was the Son of a Priest”
5. “You came into my life — not as one comes to visit … but as one comes to a kingdom where all the rivers have been waiting for your reflection, all the roads, for your steps. It is late now, I am a bit tired; the sky is irritated by stars…I love you, I love you, I love you…” – Vladimir Nakobov’s letter to Véra Nabokov (1926)
6. “I have saved this afternoon for you.” – T. S. Eliot, “Portrait of a Lady”
7. “But I love you, you know, down to my last, best word.” – Marilyn Hacker, Love, Death, and the Changing of the Seasons
8. “Let every kiss hit the body like a season.” – Ocean Vuong, “A Little Closer to the Edge”
9. “Won’t you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you.” – Richard Brinsley Sheridan
10. “I was always hungry for love. Just once, I wanted to know what it was like to get my fill of it — to be fed so much love I couldn’t take any more. Just once.” – Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood
Continue reading “concept playlist #4: romance 101”thank you notes app for giving me automatic line breaks.
alternative title: ‘weird autumn’
in my dreams it’s summer
and the air is bone dry, no moisture, so
sterile that taking too deep a breath
stings. the mattress in the empty
swimming pool is sprouting weeds. the
clouds turn the sky night-dark and the
trees vibrate, stretching their limbs out in
anticipation. it’s going to be a proper
summer storm, the kind that cleaves the
world cleanly through. i walk through the
lot and up the hill, up the hill, up the hill,
where the grass grows waist-deep and it
feels like swimming. lightning cracks
through the air and snaps shadows into
the edges of the old power plant.
One year ago, when I became head-over-heels obsessed with running, I had big dreams for myself. I thought I’d have run a marathon by now. I imagined myself decked out in all the flashy running gear – Hoka Hokas on my feet and Gu tubes in hand. I thought my mile would be down to 8:00, 7:30, (dare I say it) sub-7:00?
To no one’s surprise, none of that happened. What is kind of surprising is that today, I ran a 5K in 32:21, 34 seconds slower than my 5K time one year ago, on August 21. And it was a great run. I feel happy. Here’s what’s happened and what’s changed in the past year of my on and (mostly) off running.
Continue reading “Running Report: One Year Later”Another long-form vacation recap. Now that we’re back in 100-degree blazing temps, it’s hard to believe I spent a slice of this summer in the Wyoming mountains.
Continue reading “Yellowstone and Grand Teton Trip Report”Somehow, I have spent the past two weeks following a (mostly) vegan diet. (We’ll get into the “mostly” later.) This is one lifestyle I never, ever thought I would follow. But I watched a vegan documentary and became determined to give this a try. And it hasn’t been the experience I thought it would be. This recap covers all your burning questions for my short stint into the ~vegan~ lifestyle. Bon appetit.
Continue reading “Life Recap: Two Weeks of (Mostly) Veganism”wrote this in the first week of May. edited in July.
My suitcases are still full of clothes.
Boxes are stacked in the garage.
My desks and drawers are outlined with dust.
I am in-between.
Once I put the jersey on, everything else starts falling into place. The shorts go on my legs. The gloves go on my hands. The socks go on my feet and the shoes go over them. I fill up my water bottle, grab an energy chew, and turn on my laptop. Turn on the A/C and the fan. Connect my watch. Clip in. Time to bike.
Continue reading “Texas 4000 Summer Ride Reflection”A healthy dose of perspective.
Updated as of May 2020. Focused on rejections throughout my four years at college.
Continue reading “Rejection Resume”